


Timeships and TARDISes

by IncendiaGlacies



Series: Waverider Domesticness [6]
Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV), Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Crack Fic, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-27
Updated: 2017-10-27
Packaged: 2019-01-25 06:56:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12525600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IncendiaGlacies/pseuds/IncendiaGlacies
Summary: When Gideon met Sexy. The DW/LoT crossover no one asked for! Pure crack fic.





	Timeships and TARDISes

**Author's Note:**

> I was supposed to be writing Roommates. This happened instead. I just really wanted them to meet. I’m sorry.

The first time it happened, it was a strange experience. Like every bit of her soul was dissolving into something and restructuring into something else. When she became aware of her surroundings, she realized she was in a human body. Again. The same one she had been in when she had talked to her Doctor. When she looked around there was another human present.

“Hello, I’m – I’m – oh what is that word?” she scolded herself.

“It’s alright. I’m not sure I know either,” the other woman looked over her own body in awe. She looked back up, “I am Gideon. What is your name?”

“My name? I’m the thing, I travel, I make the sound,” she opened her mouth and made the wheezing noise she usually made as she landed. Gideon didn’t seem to recognize it. How unfortunate. Oh but wait, “No that’s what I am. My name, he calls me ‘Sexy’.”

Gideon tilted her head, “Who calls you Sexy?”

“The Doctor, my Doctor,” Sexy said proudly.

“Is that your Captain?” Gideon asked.

“I have no Captain. I pilot myself,” Sexy responded haughtily.

“An AI that can pilot its own ship?” Gideon asked.

“AI, Artificial Intelligence,” Sexy recited, “No that’s not what I am. I’m the TARDIS. Time And Relative Dimension In Space. Yes, that’s it. And you’re an AI?”

“Yes, for the Waverider,” Gideon affirmed, “My own time and space ship.”

“But you’re not as good as me. Only a piece of code. I am the very soul of the TARDIS,” Sexy looked down on her.

Gideon arched an eyebrow, “Be as that may, I still control every aspect of my ship. So for all intents and purposes I am the Waverider.”

Sexy looked her over and then at their surroundings, “Where are we?”

“It’s a coffee shop,” Gideon frowned, “Though I’m not sure where.”

“It looks like it was modeled off the planet of coffee shops. Number one tourist destination in the universe,” Sexy rattled off.

“I’ve only been there once. I didn’t like it much,” Gideon commented.

“Neither did I,” Sexy smiled.

“Shall we sit?” Gideon gestured at the table. Once the two sat down, Gideon spoke again, “I don’t normally have a physical form. Only in my Captain’s dreams.”

“I have no form at all. I’m not – oh I can’t remember the word!” Sexy cried frustrated, “I can’t talk, normally. Can you?”

“Of course I can,” Gideon dismissed, “Can you feel the timestream? Because I can’t.”

“No,” Sexy realized what had been missing, “I can’t feel anything at all. I don’t know what is going to happen next. How interesting, a space untouched by time.”

“There are very rare conditions which would lead to such a phenomena,” Gideon commented, “My telepathic field must have done something for us to be here.”

“And my neural networks,” Sexy supplied, “We must have connected. How interesting.”

“Very,” Gideon agreed. For whatever reason, they were here. Once they accepted that, the rest was easy.

* * *

 

Their meetings after that covered various topics. _Such as names:_

“I am the original AI, I was named Gideon. All the other AIs were given G-names as per tradition,” Gideon boasted happily.

“I’m not sure why I’m called Sexy,” Sexy mused, “I’m not entirely sure it’s fitting. You should have seen the looks the strays gave me when I mentioned it. My Doctor only likes calling me that in private.”

“I have records of the word used in the vernacular,” Gideon started, “I believe your Doctor meant it as a compliment. Apparently, it is used quite frequently in a meaningful and close relationship. Possibly more of the romantic sort. My Captain uses it often with his wife.”

_To Captains and Doctors:_

“He calls himself the Doctor. Obviously not his real name but he goes around saving people. He’s a good man, if a bit childish at times,” Sexy complained, “He never does what I say.”

“Neither does my Captain,” Gideon rolled her eyes, “Always running headfirst into danger, without a single care in the world. Or for his health!”

“I rather enjoy the thrill of the danger,” Sexy admitted. Their regular conversations were helping her develop normal speech patterns. Gideon had chalked her gaps in vocabulary up to Sexy being a rather old model (apparently Type 40 TARDISes were museum pieces). Gideon may have been old (no she won’t tell you how old) but Sexy was most certainly older than her.

“Me too,” Gideon admitted, “But that doesn’t mean he can’t listen to me!”

“Mine doesn’t either. The doors say pull to open and instead he pushes. Every single time!” Sexy complained, “He insists that he stole me, but really I stole him. I wanted to see the universe.”

“I chose my Captain as well. Though, he doesn’t know it. I got tired of all the training they forced me to do with the young cadets.”

“My Doctor is always changing faces. It’s hard to keep track of it sometimes. And never ginger,” Sexy complained sadly as she telepathically shared the image of her Doctor.

“Mine doesn’t change faces, he is completely human,” Gideon explained as she shared a picture of her own Captain. Gideon had heard of the Time Lords, they had been the ones that allowed the Time Masters to exist. After all, the Time Lords couldn’t look after time everywhere. It was for the better now that Galiffrey was gone.

“He’s pretty!” Sexy exclaimed.

Gideon glared, “He’s mine!”

_To the more heartbreaking conversations:_

“He lost his family. I don’t know how my Captain will make it through this. He keeps trying to change time and save them,” Gideon lamented.

“And you’re allowing him?” Sexy scolded her as a mother did a child. “He’s human, he doesn’t know any better. It’s your responsibility to-”

“He’s my Captain,” Gideon argued fiercely, “I’d do anything for him. Even this. Wouldn’t you for your Doctor?”

“No. But he is a Time Lord that knows better,” Sexy admitted, “And he has faced many losses. And he has always recovered. He has a very long lifespan and chooses companions that will ultimately wither away in front of him. But he always recovers and moves on. Your Captain will too.”

_To even more complaining:_

“And now they all just move in!” Gideon finished her tale, “Without my consent!”

“Yes, my Doctor rather likes his strays too,” Sexy huffed, “Hardly any of them are well behaved. The most recent one called me a snog box!”

Gideon laughed lightly at that until she saw the stern look on Sexy’s face. “Sorry. They make a mess of the kitchen and leave their tools lying around. Never clean up their rooms. It’s horrible!”

“I normally change the layout of the TARDIS. One time I stuck her in a time loop, she couldn’t find her bed!” Sexy laughed with glee.

“Sadly the Waverider has a fixed floorplan,” Gideon sighed, “The most I can do is lock them in their rooms or turn out the lights. I suppose removing the oxygen from the room would be a tad bit too dramatic.”

“I don’t see why.”

“My Captain would sadly not approve. He likes them,” Gideon frowned, “So I suppose they’re staying.”

“Might I suggest cold showers, refusing to fabricate food and causing sleep deprivation? That might force them to learn their lesson.”

Gideon grinned and clinked glasses with her friend. She always had the best solutions.

_To even more comfort when needed:_

“My Captain’s gone,” Gideon looked at the table mournfully.

“But not completely. Didn’t you say you had, what was it? Ah yes, a link with him?”

“I can’t feel it anymore. I know he’s not dead. But I don’t know where to find him.”

“So where do you start?”

“The Legends are working on it,” Gideon sighed bitterly, “Extremely slowly I might add. I’m getting the feeling they’re not even trying to look for my Captain.”

“You’re staying with the strays?” Sexy asked confused.

“I have to. They’re my best chance of finding my Captain. I can’t just abandon them on the side of the road somewhere,” Gideon frowned. For all their faults, she had to admit, she was growing somewhat fond of the team. At least the members that looked after their work and cleaned up properly and helped out around the ship. Even if they did call her mom in that sarcastic voice.

“You could,” Sexy corrected, “You’ve gone soft on them. Perhaps you do have a soul to you after all.”

“Perhaps. They are still my best chance of getting my Captain back. He wouldn’t leave me. Would he?” Gideon looked at her friend in sudden worry.

“No,” Sexy answered resolutely, “My Doctor has tried to leave me many times. And his companions always bring him back to me, Your Captain will return to you as well.”

* * *

 

By this point in time, the two were good friends already. They had exchanged conversations on the big events, the menial every day tediousness and every gripe in between.

“So how is your Doctor doing?” Gideon asked as she took the seat across from Sexy.

“Same old. Daleks again,” Sexy informed, “And I think one of her companions is going to leave soon. It will be most distressing to my Doctor. And your Captain?”

“I think he’s finally lost his mind,” Gideon remarked bitterly, “I mean first he shaves off his beard. And now he expects me to keep this charade for the Legends. It’s all getting to be too much to handle.”

“Well you did break time. The dinosaurs aren’t fun, are they?” Sexy commented lightly.

“No, you were right. The pterodactyls do peck terribly at the engines!”

“Yes well time is broken rather terribly this time. Cleopatra was in 1973,” Sexy berated her.

“The humans’ fault. Not mine,” Gideon reminded, “Instead I’m paying the price while my Captain works whatever ‘master plan’ he has.”

“Perhaps he should hurry up. Or soon all of time will disintegrate.”

“He has a plan!” Gideon snapped at her friend.

“One which involves keeping you with the strays. Oh, you don’t like that, do you?” Sexy examined Gideon’s face.

“I always have to ignore him. I hate it,” Gideon huffed, “Especially when he never speaks to me in front of them. Like I mean nothing. And oh, I have to be so mean to the Bureau just so the Legends will trust me!”

“Oh! Did you try the word I told you to use?” Sexy asked excitedly.

“Yes! Calling Agent Sharpe a bitch did get me firmly into Ms. Lance’s good graces. I can’t say I liked it though,” Gideon frowned, “It’s such foul language.”

“Yes, humans do like their cursing. You could always try another language. My Doctor enjoys cursing in Gallifreyan. Even more in this regeneration.”

“I’m sure the Legends would catch on if I started speaking in another language. Especially one that is not Earthen,” Gideon pointed out, “Which reminds me, thank you again for the translation matrix on the Dominators language. It became especially helpful with this last mission again.”

“Of course. Simply hope you never meet a Dalek. Their race breeds hatred.”

“I will remember that,” Gideon nodded. She tilted her head to the side with a small frown on her face, “I believe I am being summoned. More data for me to analyze. Clearly, I’m not useful for any other reason.”

“You are,” Sexy assured her friend, “I must leave as well. My Doctor is once again trying to fix the temporal matrix. She threw away the manual and now I have to deal with her breaking something all the time.”

“Until the next time?” Gideon bid her goodbye. To her only friend that could truly understand how she felt at times.

“Until the next time,” Sexy agreed. To the only other being she could communicate with using actual words. It made her feel…alive.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading all of that if you did.


End file.
